Prayers of a Perfectionist

"Conversion, Again."

Again

Again
Again

I walk with you

Hand in hand
I dance with you
Each day anew
Morning light
Shimmers
My heart is full of you

I dance on my own

My grace
Pleases me alone
I dance on my own
Spinning, no steady grip
 
Slip
Stumble
Slam

Why did I let go of your hand?

I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t have

I fight with you

Push your hands away
How dare you
I can do this alone
On hands and knees
Pick the pebbles from my palms
I feel you but I don’t look up
Can’t let you see my wounds
Can’t let you see

The copper trickle flows

A sinking feeling
I know
I’ve fallen
To where
I belong

Ripped

Ragged
Raw

Won’t let you look

Won’t let you touch
Won’t let you see

If I hide…

If I hide it doesn’t get better
Don’t look but please see
Can’t pretend away the pain
So

I surrender

Hold my heart out to you

Wash away the wounds
Clean again, and healing
 
My scars remind me
They remind me
There is no pain
That won’t end
No road I walk alone
No death where you can’t breathe life

Born from above
Again
Again
Again

 

 

 

 

"I'll Let You Love Me When"

 

 

 

I’ll let you love me when…

When my face is painted and my nails are polished.

When the bed is made and the laundry is folded.

When my race is run and my jeans fit right.

When my flaws are gone and I’ve earned my worth.

I’ll feel you love me when…

 

When I just wake up and you want a kiss.

When you laugh at me and I throw a fit.

When it all goes wrong and I’m still enough.

When I love who I am and accept what I’m not.

 I’ll never be

                        Fixed

                                    Healed

                                                Perfect

                                                            Done

I’ll always be

                        Held

                                    Wanted

                                                   Yours

                                                             Loved